I HATE my friends

Today was a cardio day. I arrived at the gym for a date with the treadmill at 530am. I actually remembered to put my heart monitor on AND the watch - so they both worked, together, at the same time - to mark my progress and calorie burn throughout my workout.

I thought I had a pretty good workout. I am working on a 4-5min walk at 3.5-4.0 and then a 2 min run at 5.0. I do this pattern 4 times for a 30 min workout and it is kicking my butt. I was thinking I was doing pretty darn good, especially getting my heart rate up to 190! So I was surprised to learn that I am not actually doing enough in my workout. I am primarily working out in Zone 1 and I should be in Zone 3. I think Zone 3 will kill me right now with any consistency. I guess I have a goal.

Tomorrow I am going to try the bike. Maybe that will help me maintain a greater heart rate and faster calorie burn. I will let you know!

After my workout I tried to sneak a naughty breakfast and I was "saved" by the spawns of Hell - my colleagues who love me very much. They refused to let me eat my croissandwich and in fact TOOK it and walked away. Christine forced it down herself and Amber supplied me with a handful of raisins. Yippee. Did I mention that I hate them. Yeah, I do.

Catch you tomorrow!

FatLady

Doh! FatLady, Doh!

Today started out like any other. I arrived at the gym 15 minutes early to warm up. I was up on the treadmill when I realized I forgot to put my fancy new watch on. So I shut down and went back to the locker room to grab my state of the art brazillion dollar workout watch. It maps my calories, heart rate, workout session, and so on and so forth. I put it on.

Back at the treadmill for my warmup, I was fiddling with all of the little buttons - at least 5 - trying to figure out how to get the thing to fire up. Along comes Robert and he congratulates me on remembering to wear the watch! I am still excited about it but point out that I have no idea how to make any of it work. I soon find out that the watch is actually not the heart rate monitor. It just records information from the heart rate monitor. The heart rate monitor is still in my bag in the locker room. That is what that black thingy with the strap thing is. hmmmmm

Needless to say, I suffered a lot of ribbing today. My new watch did not effectively record the calories I was burning...ah, because it couldn't. Doh! I am very excited to see how ALL of the pieces work together next time I work out.

In other observations, I was a total sweat machine again today. Some switch has flipped. My body is rejecting the water! I guess this is healthy!

I have not stepped on the scale yet. I am holding out for a few more weeks. I want my clothes to start fitting looser before I go to the scales.

Catch me Friday for the latest news...although I may blog sooner about the watch thing!

FatLady

Finally Something Interesting! Sweat, FatLady, Sweat

I fell off the blog wagon for a few days. Last Monday, April 20, everything was pretty uneventful. Robert wasn't particularly funny, I didn't have anything to make fun of, and he continued to kick my butt. I basically said "Thank you, may I have another." I did not get sick, so that seems to be the highlight of Monday.

I missed my Wednesday AM cardio to run Darci to the vet and had class in the PM, so no calorie burning for me. Thursday KT made me step it up on the treadmill and I improved my mile by 2 minutes. I actually tried to run more frequently and set my pace at 3.5 when I walked. I think it is getting easier.

Friday, April 24 my body decided to turn on the sweat faucets. The last several weeks I have sweat during my workouts, but Friday my body turned it up. I was a drenched working machine. It was actually quite gross. But I guess my body is starting to figure out how to work more efficiently. I have my new cool watch to help me watch my heart rate and count the calories I am burning but I forgot to wear them. Oops. I will try again Monday (which is technically today...but I will blog that separately).

Friday - Spew, FatLady, Spew

Is it cheating to type my blog while eating a donut??? Actually I have been VERY good all week, so I figure one donut won't hurt me ;) and I need to get something in my stomach!

I am hoping that one day I will make it through a workout without getting sick. I am currently experimenting with breakfast. Day 1 - No breakfast = spewing. Day 2 - bowl cereal, fruit - Robert went easy on me, so no illness. Day 3 - Eggs, 1 toast, 1/2 cup milk - FatLady slaughterfest = more spewing. Today - 1 toast w/peanut better, banana - lighter workout...actually no upset stomach feelings. I managed to shower, get a Mocha Madness, get to school and start grading papers (at 645 am) and THEN I worshipped the garbage can in my classroom. WTH(eck)!!! I guess it was a delayed reaction. SO, I don't know what the answer is. I will obviously keep you posted on the spewage - avoid reading during meals.

But in OTHER news, it WAS a fascinating workout. I learned that Robert watches human bodies like I watch horse bodies. I was doing an exercise that works my upper arms (triceps & biceps) and suddenly he says "There they go - you are burning now." I was like "huh?" Totally didn't know WHAT he was talking about. BUT he SAYS he can see when my muscles engage and really start working. I thought THAT was pretty darn cool. I can see this happen on my horses when I work them, but I thought it was interesting that I couldn't feel what he was seeing. I am not tuned into my body enough to feel it yet.

He also worked a new exercise that does not let me cheat on my left side AND he didn't make me do push ups or pull ups, so I am pretty pleased with him today. I will refrain from calling him BOB. Although I guess a friendly little bird escaped sometime during the middle of the workout. I think he was being ugly, but it was not bad enough to commit the incident to memory. Lucky him.

This weekend - Walk dogs: 2 miles & Ride horses (as much as possible). If the weather is bad I will go to the gym.

Wednesday Cardio - Uneventful

Good Morning

I made it to the gym this morning for my cardio workout. Andrea has me on a plan where I watch my heart rate and vary the speed and incline on a treadmill. (I can do other machines but I like the treadmill the best right now). I am doing 30 min at 3.5 and varying my incline from 4.0 to 8.0. For all you worker-outers this may not seem too stressful but I am a huffing and panting away!

I walked in at 545am and headed out the door at 7am! Not too shabby for a Fatlady!

Have a great day!!!

Monday, April 13, 2009 - BWT

Robert's first directive this morning was, "We are going to do a little BWT." He then asked if I knew what this was. Of course I had some creative answers for him. "Big Whining Time," "Butt Wagging Time," or something like that.

Incidentally, it is Body Weight Training. This is where I take my 210 pound mass and use it against myself...like with push ups and pull ups. It was all very easy at first and I actually made the comment that "this is fun." Famous last words. It became progressively difficult and I was made to suffer. He threw in some leg lifts, squats, and forward lunges just to torture me more. Did I mention I am starting to hate him again.

Before my millionth squat rep I suddenly felt like I was going to be sick. I really am not a weenie, but I couldn't do it. He tried to talk me out of feeling sick and pep talk me into not visualizing spewing all over the thousand dollar equipment, but it did not work too well. I got out of my last set of lunges and squats =D BUT, he made me switch to ground work - legs and abs. Lying on the floor did help calm my stomach, though.

He introduced me to the ball again and I had to do some really difficult balancing acts. First I had to place my elbows on the ball and balance on my toes. This is not as easy as it sounds. I could hold it for about 8 seconds...but in Rodeo that can be a really nice paycheck. Why am I paying for this again??? Oh yeah, because my brother says I am FAT.

I survived the rest of my workout without disgracing myself or my trainer. I decided to call him Robert for the rest of the morning, and he helped me stretch everything out. I actually felt pretty good about this workout. Little did I know, he really nailed me on this one. I was in the shower all of 30 seconds when suddenly all the upset stomach business came back...yup. I lost everything FOUR times. At least it was in the shower, but still GROSS. I have decided that the workouts that lead to throwing up are the ones where I work the hardest and have the longest effect.

Today (Tuesday) I am totally feeling it from yesterday. My arms have been jello-y all day, my thighs are sore, and I feel like my upper body took a pounding. But, I am ready for tomorrow. I will be up in 8 hours, back at the gym for some cardio. I need to work off the pizza I ate tonight. We decided to cheat, BUT I only had 800 calories before dinner so I was doing pretty darn good.

FatLady Out

Friday, April 10, 2009 - Calorie Test & Normal Workout

I met with Andrea at 10am to do the physical calorie test thing. The purpose of this test is to see how many calories my body burns at work and to figure out my zone thresholds. You build your workouts on five zones. Zone 1 is very light work (heat rate at rest). Zone 2 is fat burn. Zone 3 is carb burn. Zone 4 is sugar burn. Zone 5 develops speed, endurance, muscle, and pushes your body to the next level. I primarily need to be in zones 2-4 for optimal weight loss and health. If I surge into zone 5, my body is not ready for it, and if I work at zone 1, I am not effectively getting my heat rate up.

I have great luck at the gym. Halfway through my test some poor soul walked past my machine, tripped on the cord, pulled the cord out of the wall, and shut everything down. I had to start all over again. The test is relatively easy and everything happens at a walk, but Andrea increases the incline at two minute intervals until I am doing an incline of 10 at 3.5 mph. The last five minutes I really wanted to die! BUT, we got the information that I need.

During my workouts I have to monitor my heart rate. Based on my heart rate I can move up or down a zone level. I should keep my rate in zone 2 and 3 for maximum weight loss.
Andrea gave me a 12-week workout and nutrition plan and SAYS that I can feasible lose 25 or so pounds between now and then depending on how rigorously I follow the plan. My goal right now is 160 and then down from there.

Following my cardio test I got to meet with Robert. Due to spring break we opted for 11am instead of 5am! Yippeeeeee!!!

He asked out everything went and after I told him about the testing fiasco he actually got me a free test three months from now...so, right now I am liking Robert! We then got down to work going through the routine he has established. As I tried to multitask and talk to him he asked how the workouts were going and I told him about DL teaching me to do a side plank. He actually got pretty upset and said that I am way too fat to do those right now. Those were not his exact words, but I did get to say, "SO, you are saying I am a fatty-fatterton? How rude." Then I got to watch him stutter around for a minute thinking of a way to explain why side planks are not healthy for people over weight. I quite enjoyed myself and then he was annoyed at me because I totally did that on purpose. He made me pay for that.

The low light of the workout was doing squats with a ball between me and the wall. This is a great torture device and he made me do several reps and was begging him for easier exercises. He made me promise I would not take any more DL lessons. I had to humbly agree.

Other than killing me with ball squats and curls with a 10 pound weight, it was a pretty good workout. I was feeling pretty weak with the 10 pound weights because I like to pride myself on my horse muscles. Obviously it is not the same using weights and reps.

Monday we are meeting at 530am!!! I get to sleep in a whole 30 extra minutes! Life is good.

See you Monday!

Thursday, April 9, 2009 - Meeting Andrea

This morning I met with a nutritionist and had a calorie test thing that cost a brazillion dollars, but it is going to be most helpful in helping me to meet my weight goals. I got to wear a really sexy mask thing and breathe in a slow and relaxed manner. The goal of the test is to see how many calories my body burns at total rest. Based on the numbers, the computer shoots out how many calories I should be taking in a day. Unfortunately I am going to have to watch the calories. My goal is 1600-1800/day and I need to try to eat six times/day instead of three. I also need to try to drink 80oz of water/day. DL is willing to help and we are working on a menu to try to stick to eating healthy. I could say that I hate my life, but I am actually kind of excited about all of this. It does not help that it is Easter weekend. I promise to start Monday after Easter ;)

Tomorrow I meet with Andrea again and we get to see how many calories my body burns at work. This time I get to wear the sexy mask in public. I should post a picture...makes it all more fun to read about. =D

April 4 - 8 On My Own with David Lauer

Robert decided to ditch me on Monday to go to Las Vegas, so I said fine and went to Kansas City with David Lauer for my birthday. That will show him. BUT, Dave and I managed to work out several times together from Saturday to Wednesday.

I am finding that I actually enjoy working out with David Lauer and although I am doing different exercises we alternate and have fun. Or, I try to hold one of my positions while he does a brazillion reps of something. So far, so good. One of DL's favorite and most difficult moves is the side plank. Looks easy enough...so I tried one and low and behold it kicked my butt. I could only hold it for five seconds. Pretty weak. So, I have a new goal. I made it out for cardio one other day and got to call Robert a loser for the first time. It just slipped. It is pretty inevitable that he will be a part of Loserville, so he might as well get used to it.

Friday, April 3, 2009 - Happy Birthday to Me

I am pretty proud of myself so far. I made it to the gym Wednesday morning at 545 to work out on my own and ran into Robert (we didn't get hurt) so he had visual confirmation that I am holding up my end of the bargain. I did 30 minutes of cardio and did not want to die. Kudos to me.

Thursday I met Katie at the gym in the evening, and headed into the building I ran into Robert, again! He was so shocked to see me two days in a row that as he turned to walk away, he totally tripped over the curb. I think that was divine intervention on my behalf - getting back at him for being so mean to me the past three sessions. We had a good laugh and then I went and brutalized myself on an elliptical machine. See, what Katie neglected to tell me and what I neglected to understand is that the elliptical goes forwards and backwards. I was going backwards the first five minutes and finally said the machine was really uncomfortable. Once she saw what I was doing she informed me that it is a lot easy going forward. Grrrrrrrreat. It is.

Friday morning, 500am I am back at it ready to roll. As a reward for my good efforts all week Bob really lays into me. I really hate him. I was doing so well, that he decided to get out this half ball thingy and I have to do a sort of push up stance holding the ball. Once I stabilize he makes me push it forward and back. It is major pain in the arms and abs and I can only hold it for 15-20 seconds. I am such a pansy. Today we don't do anything else really new so the rest of the workout is familiar and uneventful. I do try to cheat by not pushing my heels into the ground, but not on purpose. Sometimes I am totally uncoordinated and that irks me to no end. I like to think I am pretty coordinated, but I can't do the stupid rowing exercise very well. Too much multitasking - Squat, stand, pull rope towards me, elbows in, no wrist turning, push down with heels, count, lose count, try to talk to Robert, forget to stand straight with knees bent, start all over. That is WAY too much to think about at once. Oh yeah, I forgot - and Breathe. At any given moment I mess up on any of those factors so Robert stands there and laughs at me for 1) not being about to count to 15, 2) forgetting to breathe, 3) for cheating with my stance, 4) for trying to row as I sit down instead of stand up, or 5) reprimands me for cheating in my stance and body position.

Goal - Work out once this weekend.

March 30, 2009 - Don't Kill Me Today

So, the first thing I say to Robert today is "Go easy on me, I am going to be on a horse for the next six-eight hours." Incidentally, my OTHER trainer is in town and I want to be able to get on my horse. I lucked out and did not have a lesson on Sunday in the saddle. Robert beat me up so brutally that I could not even get my foot up to the stirrup to get on a horse this past weekend.

Even though he is the boss of me at the gym, I basically told him that he could only abuse my upper body muscles instead of my legs. They would get it later. So, being the occasionally nice guy that he is, he let me be the boss and put together my own workout =D Actually, he tried really hard NOT to let me do that but I was a bit of a panzy whiner and got out of the really heavy stuff by feigning weakness. (Not really, here...he doesn't put up with the weakness and makes me do it anyway.) I might hate him. By the end of the workout my upper arms were feeling rubbery, but my lower body was ready to ride. The workout was uneventful and I finished up not really hating Robert today. And I didn't puke all over, so that was really positive. I like to end on a positive note.

Assignment - complete two cardio workouts between Tuesday and Thursday before we meet again Friday. Quite Doable.

March 27, 2009 - Day 1 - The REAL Deal

5:00 a.m.

So, I don't quite remember Robert's training "specialty," but he definitely knows how to deal the pain. My first real training session started on time; I was quite chipper and rarin' to go at the butt-crack of dawn - actually it was about an hour before the butt-crack of dawn - but who pays attention to those details at 4:q5 a.m.??? I met Robert for the first time and what a CUTIE - nice body, nice (evil) smile, basically the devil in disguise. My perception of him changed pretty rapidly, so I feel that I can make this observation with NO affection whatsoever. We eased into the session with a little treadmill work. I handled about 2 minutes on the treadmill with brilliant success - YES, I was jogging - but my heart rate went up to fast so he made me speed walk for the next ten minutes. Bonus points for him - I wasn't allowed to exert myself too much. But little did I know he was saving the exertion for other activities.

During the second part of my session Robert taught me a series of exercises that force me to use my own body weight to build muscle. I found out that I do in fact have abs in there somewhere. I am not sure where my gluts are, but my biceps, triceps, and thighs were definitely screaming. He made me do several sets of lunges, squats, planks, and other arm exercise pulls using a weight machine. Throughout the session Robert kept asking me how I was doing and to be honest, I felt great. I nursed a bottled water and told him to bring it on. I was quite impressed with myself!

My first session ended at 5:50 because we had to finish up some paper work. I bought a nifty watch that tracks my heart rate, calorie intake and burnage, and other cool stuff that I have not figured out yet. I had a choice between the black and red, so I immediately went for the black one to spite all of the Nebraska fans and my mother. Ever the concerned trainer, Robert asked me how I was feeling and explained that after our sessions I should get a protein shake to help my muscles do what it is that they do. Because it was my first time in the facility he took me down to the cafe and ordered me my first protein shake beverage. As we were waiting for the drink I looked at him and said "Robert, I think I am going to be sick." I made a mad dash to the garbage can and managed to puke not once, but three times. Can I say mortified??? I guess I overdid it just a bit. I have since learned that I had what is called lactic acid buildup and my body basically violently rejected it. Lucky Robert.

The rest of the day I felt great. I survived my first work out, threw up in front of my hot trainer, experienced very little soreness, and was excited about my next training session. Robert even called to ask how I was doing later in the evening and truth be told, I felt pretty good. I promised that I would not quit and would see him first thing on Monday morning.

I spent the next 48 hours crawling up and down the stairs and falling onto (not into) the toilet. My thighs screamed all day Saturday, my legs were like Jello, and I could not squat to reach the toilet seat. I was in serious pain, although it gave me excellent whining grounds for multiple body massages. I think that was the only good part. I was also pretty much unable to get up on my horse and had to be lifted into the saddle. Pathetic, I know. Why did I sign up for this, again? Oh yeah, because I am F-A-T. Got it. Bring on Monday!

Monday, March 23, 2009 - The Moment of Truth

5:00 a.m.

This morning was all about learning just how morbidly obese I am. Granted I do not necessarily look like a tank, but the scale and machine thingies don't lie. So, according to all the mechanical and technical gadgetry, my body is carrying 83 pounds of unnecessary baggage - personally I think most of it is in my breasts - you are all friends and family here so I can make these random statements. I am pretty sure it is not all just Grandma Dottie's genes. But I digress - back to the task at hand where I describe how I am in the bottom ten percent of all healthy peoples out there. I was tested in several areas - I can't remember what all now - BUT, I am in the 70th percentile in strength! YEAH!!! Thank you, horses! Basically the numbers mean that for every 100 people in the room I am stronger than 70 of them. Now, for flexibility, cardio, BMI, and all that other stuff, I am in the bottom ten percent. This is all okay, though. It gives me some goals...like the only way I can go at this point is up through the percentile rankings. We will test every 5-6 weeks to see how I am doing.

At the end of the session, Scott, the trainer manager, informs me that they have in fact found some poor soul willing to train me at 5:00 a.m. two times a week. My first session with "Robert" is Friday morning. God bless his heart.