FatLadyBlogSpot.com

Lonely FatLady

2009-09-24T19:08:00.000-07:00

Today was supposed to be my last workout with RB at the fitness center. The club is elite and beautiful, but it is also a million dollars a month for just one membership. Mr. FatLady and I decided to sign up for the YMCA family plan starting in October because I feel that I am finally at a point where I can somewhat keep up with him. I occasionally even enjoy working out with him. Imagine that.

So, back to my story. I arrived early - 540am to get in a short cardio workout. My goal has been to shave off a few seconds each time I do the mile on the elliptical machine. So far, so good. I can do a mile in about 12 minutes - in April I was doing a mile in 15-16. Go FatLady!

But I digress - I finish up my cardio warm up and start looking for my awesome trainer. And what do you know, he is NO WHERE to be found. I always leave my phone in the truck, so I had no way to harass him to find out if he is still in bed, or what. Here's what I figure - in a desperate attempt to keep me around for another month, he stands FatLady up so that her sessions cannot be officially over. Because I am already at the gym I might as well put myself through the wringer. It was a FatLady test.

I did it. I started with my arms and squat-rows and completed three sets of 12-15. Then I went on to stupid lunges and leg work and it was really difficult because he was not there to count for me - I am NOT a math person.

At any rate, I made it through BY MY SELF (who needs a stinky old trainer anyway) and came out on the back side of the workout a stronger FatLady. I am ready to venture out on my own and with Mr. FatLady.

More posts to come from the Y-M-C-A (sing along). We hope to get out on Mondays, Fridays, and one day on the weekend no matter where we go. (When you are a member of the Y-M-C-A you can go to any one throughout the country.

Until Next Time -

FatLady

FatLadys and Stair Machines Don't Mix

2009-09-10T19:40:00.001-07:00

Today was an awesome workout until RB introduced me to the Stair Machine. The Stair Machine is hell. I sweat more in FOUR minutes than I did the whole rest of the workout. After barely surviving those FOUR minutes, RB informed me that he would like me to do the Stair Machine for TEN minutes during each workout. YEAH RIGHT! Really BAD word THAT.

So, ask me how I feel about the Stair Machine - I DARE you. Did I mention that the rest of my workout was pretty good. I have been having sick issues the past four weeks and I cannot figure out what is going on, so this morning I ate one piece of bread. Nothing on it. Not toasted. Wa-La, no sickness today. If you remember, the morning I ate nothing, I threw up. The morning I ate too much, I threw up. My recent routine has been eating a packet of oatmeal an hour before my workout and it seemed to be effective, but not lately. I will see how the bread thing goes.

Labor day weekend we rode our bikes up in Minnesota. If you have never been to Lanesboro it is totally worth the trip. It is one of the biking capitals of the world. Mr. FatLady and I try to spend three or four weekends a year there biking and camping. Although we ate our share of carbs and smores, I still made it back with two pounds lost since last week!

On the agenda for this weekend is some working out and horsing around.

Avoid Stair Machines at all costs. They might kill you. Eat small portions, but what you want.

FatLady

FatLady and a Little Towel

2009-09-05T14:08:00.000-07:00

FatLady has been a little off the pace the last month, but she HAS been on the ball. A BOSU ball - and they are HELL on the abs. But, I digress. Today I would like to discuss gym towels. I has been my experience that towels provided by the gym are intended for SkinnyLadys, not FatLadys. When you are carrying around the extra frontage and middleage poundage, those napkins just don't get the job done. I usually use two towels and on the rare occasion, three and ALWAYS find myself wishing that I could use just ONE towel to get the job done. But, I would scare all the other Ladys away should I streak through the women's locker room with one towel. I mean, let's be honest here - even though we all have the same parts, no one - and I mean NO ONE wants to see that much FatLady. It can really ruin your day. My proposal - buy FatLady sized towels. I am pretty sure SkinnyLadys will not complain. We will save the environment by washing fewer loads of towels and FatLadys will feel better about themselves because one towel will cover their whole booty instead of just half a booty. It is a win/win situation for all involved.

I think I have been lax all month because I have not had any great stories rolling around up there in that head of mine. RB has been kicking my butt all over the place because I can only afford to go one day a week now, so he is working me twice as hard. In fact, I am back to getting almost sick every morning. He says I am doing great, but I can hardly walk down the stairs after one of our sessions. On a happier note, Mr. FatLady has been quite pleased with my toned results.

Speaking of results. I have lost almost 20 pounds since April. Although the weight is coming off slowly, I hope the lifestyle change will mean that it stays off for good. I have also been pivoting my thoughts and I focus on looking and feeling good. Which brings me back to the stupid towels. Last week, for the first time in let's just say a long time, I was able to tie one SkinnyLady towel around my FatLady bulk. It was a little precarious, but I made it to and from the shower with no flashing episodes. I took an extra towel, just to be on the safe side, and used it for my hair so it would not go to waste.

This weekend I am all about Ride, FatLady, Ride. We are spending Labor Day weekend in Lanesboro, MN biking the countryside. FatLady will log 20-30 bike miles, which is pretty darn good for a weekend.

I will talk about my biking in the next post. I have a recumbent bike and I LOVE it. It is the perfect model for FatLadys!

FatLady Out

FatLady Revelations

2009-08-21T04:38:00.000-07:00

Hello! I am back...again.

I need some flack for not keeping up with the blog! I am letting you all down. BUT, my absence has NOT been in vain. Today - for the first time in seven - 7 - years, I put my butt into a size 14 MISSES slack. Not 14W, but plain 14. OH MY GOD - the elation and motivation just kicked up a notch! Incidentally I have only actually lost about 20 pounds in four months - 5 pounds/month, but I hear it is good to take it off slow. If you are losing it like crazy then it is not likely to stay off.

In other news, I have had to cut my sessions back to once a week for finances. I meet with RB every Thursday at the break of dawn - sort of. Now I go at 6am instead of 5am. This is a HUGE improvement over my spring schedule. I have been getting to the gym on Mondays and Wednesdays and I am going to try to kick it up to four days a week on my own. It is SO difficult to get there on my own, but maybe now I will be able to push myself harder. There is nothing like fitting into old clothes that have been too tight for way too long. I should have tossed these pants looooooooooooong ago, but I held on to them in the hopes of one day fitting back into them. That day has come and life is good!

In unfortunate news, I am on my way to the Iowa State Fair this weekend and I will probably put on all of the pounds I have taken off. I am pretty sure it can happen - have YOU ever been to the Iowa State Fair? Nuff said. Wait. Scratch that. I want to mention the cup of hot out of the oven baked chocolate chip cookies, the fried twinkies, the caramel apples, the cheese on a stick and more, much, much more. Funny - most of that stuff doesn't really sound good anymore! Sweet! Although I am SO going for the cookies. There is NO WAY I am passing those babies up. I am a FatLady at heart and they say you should not deny yourself everything. I think I should definitely take that advice.

I PROMISE to tune in sooner than later! Maybe I will even work out this weekend at the hotel gym. I am saying there is a chance. Maybe. Probably not. We won't count on it. Until next time...

FatLady Out!

Ride FatLady, Ride

2009-07-23T07:06:00.000-07:00

Okay! Okay! I am back!!! I just took a little hiatus, but I was BUSY horsin around. Actually I was working through a program called Equusize. Incidentally I am down 2 pant sizes since my first blog in April!!!!! YeeeeeeHaw!!!!!!!!!!!

SO, FatLady has been in Florida for five weeks doing the horse thing. Nothing takes the weight off like 12 hour days in 90-100 degree heat and humidity. Add in hours of walking behind a horse or trying to trot (abs, glutes, thighs, core) and you have an awesome workout! I have been back home for 48 hours and people have already noticed a difference, so life is good!

During my five week stay in Florida, Kirsten, my trainer, introduced me to the Abraham-Hicks "Law of Attraction" stuff. It is theory-spiritual stuff that works to put people in a positive state of mind. One of the first suggestions I have been working on is thinking about my weight and body in a positive light. For instance, I should not think of myself as a beached whale when I see myself in a bathing suit. Instead, I should pivot that negative thought and create a positive story - swimming is another form of exercise. Any time I get in the water, I can use it as an opportunity to work towards my goal of feeling better and happier about my body. This second thought is much more positive than the first...although the first makes me laugh =D. I am going to explore weight loss through pivoting my thoughts. I will keep you updated on that progress as well.

In other news, I am kind of sad about my training sessions. I have four left. For those of you who know anything about trainers, they are EXPENSIVE. We are trying to figure out how often I can train once school starts back up. I am going to continue my membership to the gym, but that means that I have to GO! I am counting on friends to keep me honest in that department.

I am also working my own horses 4-6 hours/day until school starts. This is a good work out as well. Once school starts I need to ride 4-5 times/week. This should be sufficient to keep me on a healthy track.

Thanks to all who complained about FL being off line! I will be more consistent - promise! I will post pictures as well. I am ready to go to the next step. Pictures should be a good motivator!

Until next time,

FL

OMG FatLady Down

2009-06-08T19:41:00.000-07:00

So I guess I totally fell off of the FatLady Blog Wagon. Naughty naughty. I am BACK and gearing up for FatLady Equisize - a horse riding/pilates combo workout for my trip to Florida.

Kirsten is working with a professional pilates instructor to create riding exercises for rider on horse and off of horse and I am going to be their test monkey =D Yippeee! More torture!

I DID work out last week, although RB was out of town. He took a vacation. I guess trainers are allowed to do that once a year or something. SO, he hooked DL up with a 7 day pass and we went three days. I took DL through my workout and it actually kicked HIS butt! Which is awesome. It is all BWT - body weight training - so he uses his body weight to train and I use mine and we get similar but effective workouts. He was pleasantly surprised to find that my workout was actually HARD. He is a workout guru for those of you who do not know. Working out is his hobby like horses are my hobby!

I did cheat on my abs workout with DL but I pushed myself on the other exercises. I have two sessions this week on Wednesday and Friday. We are walking the dogs regularly, so that has to count for something!

Look for an update on Wednesday. FatLady is back and ready to blog.

FL

I Felt an Ab and I Liked it

2009-05-22T06:36:00.000-07:00

(This won't be as effective if you have not heard the song "I kissed a girl"

I felt an ab and I liked it
Made me not eat chocolate

I felt an ab, had to poke it
Wasn't too hard to find it

It felt so right and oh so tight
So Do another crunch

I felt an ab and I liked it
The tire's going flat

FatLady Rocks, She is the tops
My abs are coming in

I felt an Ab, I felt an Ab
This song is at an end.

-----------------------------
I am still working out the lyrics, but that is what goes through my head as feel my abs =D

Other new and exciting business??? Not really. On the treadmill I am working at 3.2 with a 6 incline. That gets my heart pumping! But at least it is not running. I am not liking the running business - too hard on my knees. (Yes, an excuse). But the inclines are working great.

Mountain climbers are not my bag. (I do a plank thingy and "run" - bring my knees up to my chest as quickly as I can.

I think my favorite part about working out is the hot shower afterwards.

I get to work out at 10am on Monday!!!! Yippeeee - no 4am wake up call.

All weekend I am horsing around. Does that count as cardio??? I will track my calorie burn and let us know!

FatLady and her Abs - Out!

FatLadys and Scooters DON'T mix

2009-05-18T13:31:00.000-07:00

RB is a truly horrible individual. Today I met the scooter. The essence of this exercise is to place your TOES on the scooter and assume a push-ups position. After you have "stabilized" - virtually impossible on a scooter - you draw your legs up to your chest and then back into a stretched out position, all while keeping the toes on the scooter.

Remember the whining about the butt balance exercise??? (I deny nothing). Well, today he upped the fun by handing me a 12 pound rod to hold on to while I raise and lower my legs. SO, balancing on the butt in a V position, holding said bar in the air above my head, and lowering and raising my legs. FatLadys don't cry. That is what I keep telling myself. So far it's working.

Random sidebar - I warmed up this morning on the treadmill for 15 min and walked at 3.2 on a 6.0 incline. THAT was effective in getting the ticker going - all the way up to 162!

The weighing in has been disappointing. Clothes are fitting differently, but I don't seem to be losing yet. =( I am even watching portions and counting calories. Everyone has said, "More Cardio." So I am SURE that is the answer, but finding the time is sooooo difficult. AND, I would think that even what I am DOING already would start to show a little! Welcome to a life long battle. Sometimes it really sucks. Although I am feeling better.

FL

Squats & Lunges are FatLady Hell

2009-05-15T20:13:00.000-07:00

I really, really, really hate squats and lunges. RB's new favorite torture exercise is front to back lunge/squat thingys. They suck big donkey balls. (Grandma, I apologize for saying big donkey balls, but FatLady is just tellin' it how it is).

I came in strong this morning and fizzled out about half way through the workout, but that is what happens when he starts with lunges and squats. I am doing really well with my upper body workouts. I can feel my muscles firing up. I HATE the balance on your butt exercise and hold your hands and feet in the air - and then lower and raise your legs slowly. That is a definite ab screamer exercise.

I need to do more cardio. It is so hard to find time! Crazy FatLady is taking a summer class that meets 2X per week for 3 1/2 hours! It is insane. But I will prevail.

This weekend's goal - 1 cardio session and one body mass session. And definite horse time.

FatLady

PS - I am quite creative. RB can stand for Robert-Bob OR Rat Bastard (Grandma, I apologize for saying Rat Bastard - But in my defense you would TOTALLY agree with me if you were in my place). You will have to read into FatLady's tone to decifer which context she is using in the moment. Fair enough, eh =D

No Nekked FatLadys!!!!

2009-05-12T10:46:00.000-07:00

The women's locker room at the gym is undergoing some renovations. Last Thursday the women's locker room became the men's, and vice versa. The men's locker room is the first on the hallway and many men are on autopilot when they walk in at 445 am...understandably so. I was not surprised to walk into a man coming out of the temporary women's locker room! Oops for him! Awkward.

From 445am to 630am I saw 4 men walk in and out of the women's temporary locker room. Not good. I made sure to choose a locker in the center on the hope that any man would realize he is in the wrong locker room by the time he meets the first set of lockers. Seeing nekked FatLadies is grounds for multiple psychiatric sessions.

My workouts are getting more rigorous. RB is only allowing me 15 seconds of rest between sets. He is SO MEAN. By the way (BTW), a rep (repetition) is how many times you do an exercise back to back; a set is how many times you repeat the reps. SO, I have to do 3 sets of 8 lunges (exercise from hell). I lunge 8 times, rest for 15 sec, lunge 8 times, rest 15 sec, and so on.

The throwing up business is on the down low - no incidents for a couple of weeks now. This has not been too exciting today, but so it goes. It is kind of hard to top men in the ladies locker room.

Nekked FatLady

Good workout Friday and Baaaaad FatLady all Weekend

2009-05-10T18:35:00.000-07:00

Nothing too new and exciting in Fatlady World. I have been working on a stupid long paper and that is my excuse for no cardio =( My Friday session was good and there was virtually no sick feelings! Robert-Bob changed a few of my exercises and they are HARD. Did I mention I hate him. So, anyway, the end of the session was interesting. He took this roller thingy (yes I am an English teacher) and rolled the knots out of my legs. It was extremely painful and fascinating...it hurt so good. When he was done my knees felt better and my legs were all loosened up!

I am trying to be good and stick to my diet. We just spent a brazillion dollars on healthy groceries, lean meats, and celery. Blech! but I guess it won't kill me.

Tomorrow I hit the gym at 0500 =( RB's Monday client is back so no more 530 for me. Oh well. I can just be super productive when I get to school at 630am!

Lucky me.

FatLady

Bad Fatlady, Bad

2009-05-07T08:11:00.000-07:00

My excuse is a 20 page paper. I wanted to work out Wednesday morning but I stayed up too late on Tuesday working on the beast. So I stayed in bed until the last possible moment!

I did make it to the gym on Tuesday with KT. We decided to do the bikes, and to be honest, it wasn't that great. I don't feel like a got a good workout. The highlight of the day was explaining to KT why I always pick the same locker. My rationale is that I always know where I am and I don't forget my number. KT reminded me as a good friend would "Loser, the number is on the key." Oh yeah, well, I am way too busy to pay attention to a small detail like that.

So in my depression on Wednesday I had a very naughty moment and I...ATE A CANDY BAR. YEAH BABY! I broke down and I DID IT. Do I feel awful now, yeah. But it was pretty darn good at the time. I will just have to run a little extra tonight (Thursday). That little calorie boost helped me through 7 pages of my paper, though. So I have to think that it was worth it.

I see Robert-Bob tomorrow. Hopefully I will have some good stories!

FL OUT!

Boo, Fatlady, Boo

2009-05-04T07:59:00.000-07:00

I am not doing a good job of blogging everyday! But sometimes Fatlady's life is just not that interesting. My last two workouts (Today & Friday) have gone really well. I am building up resistance and Robert-Bob has been pushing me more. I have also managed to NOT spew anything in two weeks now! I usually feel pretty sick right after the workout for about 20 minutes. It is always a crapshoot whether I will make it or not. So far, so good.

Today RB introduced a new torture device. I got to sit on the edge of this half ball thing and he made me hold these bands and do sit ups. Suddenly I have abs. They are in there somewhere because they were screaming bloody murder after four reps. THEN RB made me sit to the right and to the left and I thought I was going to DIE. Death by sneaky ab work out.

The rest of the workout was uneventful and I managed not to toot =) Fatlady horror as everything loosens up in there! RB stretches me out at the end and I always worry about the pressure. One of these days a little (or big) one might slip out and I will be mortified!

Last night in bed my mind was going a million miles a minute and I decided to totally commit to a healthy eating style. I am logging my food on http://www.livestrong.com/ and it is awesome. Today for lunch I am having an apple, a cup of corn and green beans, 4 half stalks of celery with 2 tablespoons of peanut butter to make it go down easier, 1 piece of wheat bread, and a stick of string cheese. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I will survive this.

oh, and TWO David Lauer cookies. SO THERE.

I want to be a fit (skinny) HOT barrel racing babe. So I am going to GO FOR IT.

Starting Thursday I am jumping into Ride, Fatlady, Ride!

Fatlady!

I HATE my friends

2009-04-29T20:07:00.000-07:00

Today was a cardio day. I arrived at the gym for a date with the treadmill at 530am. I actually remembered to put my heart monitor on AND the watch - so they both worked, together, at the same time - to mark my progress and calorie burn throughout my workout.

I thought I had a pretty good workout. I am working on a 4-5min walk at 3.5-4.0 and then a 2 min run at 5.0. I do this pattern 4 times for a 30 min workout and it is kicking my butt. I was thinking I was doing pretty darn good, especially getting my heart rate up to 190! So I was surprised to learn that I am not actually doing enough in my workout. I am primarily working out in Zone 1 and I should be in Zone 3. I think Zone 3 will kill me right now with any consistency. I guess I have a goal.

Tomorrow I am going to try the bike. Maybe that will help me maintain a greater heart rate and faster calorie burn. I will let you know!

After my workout I tried to sneak a naughty breakfast and I was "saved" by the spawns of Hell - my colleagues who love me very much. They refused to let me eat my croissandwich and in fact TOOK it and walked away. Christine forced it down herself and Amber supplied me with a handful of raisins. Yippee. Did I mention that I hate them. Yeah, I do.

Catch you tomorrow!

FatLady

Doh! FatLady, Doh!

2009-04-27T11:32:00.000-07:00

Today started out like any other. I arrived at the gym 15 minutes early to warm up. I was up on the treadmill when I realized I forgot to put my fancy new watch on. So I shut down and went back to the locker room to grab my state of the art brazillion dollar workout watch. It maps my calories, heart rate, workout session, and so on and so forth. I put it on.

Back at the treadmill for my warmup, I was fiddling with all of the little buttons - at least 5 - trying to figure out how to get the thing to fire up. Along comes Robert and he congratulates me on remembering to wear the watch! I am still excited about it but point out that I have no idea how to make any of it work. I soon find out that the watch is actually not the heart rate monitor. It just records information from the heart rate monitor. The heart rate monitor is still in my bag in the locker room. That is what that black thingy with the strap thing is. hmmmmm

Needless to say, I suffered a lot of ribbing today. My new watch did not effectively record the calories I was burning...ah, because it couldn't. Doh! I am very excited to see how ALL of the pieces work together next time I work out.

In other observations, I was a total sweat machine again today. Some switch has flipped. My body is rejecting the water! I guess this is healthy!

I have not stepped on the scale yet. I am holding out for a few more weeks. I want my clothes to start fitting looser before I go to the scales.

Catch me Friday for the latest news...although I may blog sooner about the watch thing!

FatLady

Finally Something Interesting! Sweat, FatLady, Sweat

2009-04-27T11:23:00.000-07:00

I fell off the blog wagon for a few days. Last Monday, April 20, everything was pretty uneventful. Robert wasn't particularly funny, I didn't have anything to make fun of, and he continued to kick my butt. I basically said "Thank you, may I have another." I did not get sick, so that seems to be the highlight of Monday.

I missed my Wednesday AM cardio to run Darci to the vet and had class in the PM, so no calorie burning for me. Thursday KT made me step it up on the treadmill and I improved my mile by 2 minutes. I actually tried to run more frequently and set my pace at 3.5 when I walked. I think it is getting easier.

Friday, April 24 my body decided to turn on the sweat faucets. The last several weeks I have sweat during my workouts, but Friday my body turned it up. I was a drenched working machine. It was actually quite gross. But I guess my body is starting to figure out how to work more efficiently. I have my new cool watch to help me watch my heart rate and count the calories I am burning but I forgot to wear them. Oops. I will try again Monday (which is technically today...but I will blog that separately).

Friday - Spew, FatLady, Spew

2009-04-17T07:51:00.000-07:00

Is it cheating to type my blog while eating a donut??? Actually I have been VERY good all week, so I figure one donut won't hurt me ;) and I need to get something in my stomach!

I am hoping that one day I will make it through a workout without getting sick. I am currently experimenting with breakfast. Day 1 - No breakfast = spewing. Day 2 - bowl cereal, fruit - Robert went easy on me, so no illness. Day 3 - Eggs, 1 toast, 1/2 cup milk - FatLady slaughterfest = more spewing. Today - 1 toast w/peanut better, banana - lighter workout...actually no upset stomach feelings. I managed to shower, get a Mocha Madness, get to school and start grading papers (at 645 am) and THEN I worshipped the garbage can in my classroom. WTH(eck)!!! I guess it was a delayed reaction. SO, I don't know what the answer is. I will obviously keep you posted on the spewage - avoid reading during meals.

But in OTHER news, it WAS a fascinating workout. I learned that Robert watches human bodies like I watch horse bodies. I was doing an exercise that works my upper arms (triceps & biceps) and suddenly he says "There they go - you are burning now." I was like "huh?" Totally didn't know WHAT he was talking about. BUT he SAYS he can see when my muscles engage and really start working. I thought THAT was pretty darn cool. I can see this happen on my horses when I work them, but I thought it was interesting that I couldn't feel what he was seeing. I am not tuned into my body enough to feel it yet.

He also worked a new exercise that does not let me cheat on my left side AND he didn't make me do push ups or pull ups, so I am pretty pleased with him today. I will refrain from calling him BOB. Although I guess a friendly little bird escaped sometime during the middle of the workout. I think he was being ugly, but it was not bad enough to commit the incident to memory. Lucky him.

This weekend - Walk dogs: 2 miles & Ride horses (as much as possible). If the weather is bad I will go to the gym.

Wednesday Cardio - Uneventful

2009-04-15T05:25:00.000-07:00

Good Morning

I made it to the gym this morning for my cardio workout. Andrea has me on a plan where I watch my heart rate and vary the speed and incline on a treadmill. (I can do other machines but I like the treadmill the best right now). I am doing 30 min at 3.5 and varying my incline from 4.0 to 8.0. For all you worker-outers this may not seem too stressful but I am a huffing and panting away!

I walked in at 545am and headed out the door at 7am! Not too shabby for a Fatlady!

Have a great day!!!

Monday, April 13, 2009 - BWT

2009-04-14T08:13:00.000-07:00

Robert's first directive this morning was, "We are going to do a little BWT." He then asked if I knew what this was. Of course I had some creative answers for him. "Big Whining Time," "Butt Wagging Time," or something like that.

Incidentally, it is Body Weight Training. This is where I take my 210 pound mass and use it against myself...like with push ups and pull ups. It was all very easy at first and I actually made the comment that "this is fun." Famous last words. It became progressively difficult and I was made to suffer. He threw in some leg lifts, squats, and forward lunges just to torture me more. Did I mention I am starting to hate him again.

Before my millionth squat rep I suddenly felt like I was going to be sick. I really am not a weenie, but I couldn't do it. He tried to talk me out of feeling sick and pep talk me into not visualizing spewing all over the thousand dollar equipment, but it did not work too well. I got out of my last set of lunges and squats =D BUT, he made me switch to ground work - legs and abs. Lying on the floor did help calm my stomach, though.

He introduced me to the ball again and I had to do some really difficult balancing acts. First I had to place my elbows on the ball and balance on my toes. This is not as easy as it sounds. I could hold it for about 8 seconds...but in Rodeo that can be a really nice paycheck. Why am I paying for this again??? Oh yeah, because my brother says I am FAT.

I survived the rest of my workout without disgracing myself or my trainer. I decided to call him Robert for the rest of the morning, and he helped me stretch everything out. I actually felt pretty good about this workout. Little did I know, he really nailed me on this one. I was in the shower all of 30 seconds when suddenly all the upset stomach business came back...yup. I lost everything FOUR times. At least it was in the shower, but still GROSS. I have decided that the workouts that lead to throwing up are the ones where I work the hardest and have the longest effect.

Today (Tuesday) I am totally feeling it from yesterday. My arms have been jello-y all day, my thighs are sore, and I feel like my upper body took a pounding. But, I am ready for tomorrow. I will be up in 8 hours, back at the gym for some cardio. I need to work off the pizza I ate tonight. We decided to cheat, BUT I only had 800 calories before dinner so I was doing pretty darn good.

FatLady Out

Friday, April 10, 2009 - Calorie Test & Normal Workout

2009-04-12T10:27:00.000-07:00

I met with Andrea at 10am to do the physical calorie test thing. The purpose of this test is to see how many calories my body burns at work and to figure out my zone thresholds. You build your workouts on five zones. Zone 1 is very light work (heat rate at rest). Zone 2 is fat burn. Zone 3 is carb burn. Zone 4 is sugar burn. Zone 5 develops speed, endurance, muscle, and pushes your body to the next level. I primarily need to be in zones 2-4 for optimal weight loss and health. If I surge into zone 5, my body is not ready for it, and if I work at zone 1, I am not effectively getting my heat rate up.

I have great luck at the gym. Halfway through my test some poor soul walked past my machine, tripped on the cord, pulled the cord out of the wall, and shut everything down. I had to start all over again. The test is relatively easy and everything happens at a walk, but Andrea increases the incline at two minute intervals until I am doing an incline of 10 at 3.5 mph. The last five minutes I really wanted to die! BUT, we got the information that I need.

During my workouts I have to monitor my heart rate. Based on my heart rate I can move up or down a zone level. I should keep my rate in zone 2 and 3 for maximum weight loss.
Andrea gave me a 12-week workout and nutrition plan and SAYS that I can feasible lose 25 or so pounds between now and then depending on how rigorously I follow the plan. My goal right now is 160 and then down from there.

Following my cardio test I got to meet with Robert. Due to spring break we opted for 11am instead of 5am! Yippeeeeee!!!

He asked out everything went and after I told him about the testing fiasco he actually got me a free test three months from now...so, right now I am liking Robert! We then got down to work going through the routine he has established. As I tried to multitask and talk to him he asked how the workouts were going and I told him about DL teaching me to do a side plank. He actually got pretty upset and said that I am way too fat to do those right now. Those were not his exact words, but I did get to say, "SO, you are saying I am a fatty-fatterton? How rude." Then I got to watch him stutter around for a minute thinking of a way to explain why side planks are not healthy for people over weight. I quite enjoyed myself and then he was annoyed at me because I totally did that on purpose. He made me pay for that.

The low light of the workout was doing squats with a ball between me and the wall. This is a great torture device and he made me do several reps and was begging him for easier exercises. He made me promise I would not take any more DL lessons. I had to humbly agree.

Other than killing me with ball squats and curls with a 10 pound weight, it was a pretty good workout. I was feeling pretty weak with the 10 pound weights because I like to pride myself on my horse muscles. Obviously it is not the same using weights and reps.

Monday we are meeting at 530am!!! I get to sleep in a whole 30 extra minutes! Life is good.

See you Monday!

Thursday, April 9, 2009 - Meeting Andrea

2009-04-12T10:16:00.000-07:00

This morning I met with a nutritionist and had a calorie test thing that cost a brazillion dollars, but it is going to be most helpful in helping me to meet my weight goals. I got to wear a really sexy mask thing and breathe in a slow and relaxed manner. The goal of the test is to see how many calories my body burns at total rest. Based on the numbers, the computer shoots out how many calories I should be taking in a day. Unfortunately I am going to have to watch the calories. My goal is 1600-1800/day and I need to try to eat six times/day instead of three. I also need to try to drink 80oz of water/day. DL is willing to help and we are working on a menu to try to stick to eating healthy. I could say that I hate my life, but I am actually kind of excited about all of this. It does not help that it is Easter weekend. I promise to start Monday after Easter ;)

Tomorrow I meet with Andrea again and we get to see how many calories my body burns at work. This time I get to wear the sexy mask in public. I should post a picture...makes it all more fun to read about. =D

April 4 - 8 On My Own with David Lauer

2009-04-12T10:09:00.000-07:00

Robert decided to ditch me on Monday to go to Las Vegas, so I said fine and went to Kansas City with David Lauer for my birthday. That will show him. BUT, Dave and I managed to work out several times together from Saturday to Wednesday.

I am finding that I actually enjoy working out with David Lauer and although I am doing different exercises we alternate and have fun. Or, I try to hold one of my positions while he does a brazillion reps of something. So far, so good. One of DL's favorite and most difficult moves is the side plank. Looks easy enough...so I tried one and low and behold it kicked my butt. I could only hold it for five seconds. Pretty weak. So, I have a new goal. I made it out for cardio one other day and got to call Robert a loser for the first time. It just slipped. It is pretty inevitable that he will be a part of Loserville, so he might as well get used to it.

Friday, April 3, 2009 - Happy Birthday to Me

2009-04-12T09:49:00.000-07:00

I am pretty proud of myself so far. I made it to the gym Wednesday morning at 545 to work out on my own and ran into Robert (we didn't get hurt) so he had visual confirmation that I am holding up my end of the bargain. I did 30 minutes of cardio and did not want to die. Kudos to me.

Thursday I met Katie at the gym in the evening, and headed into the building I ran into Robert, again! He was so shocked to see me two days in a row that as he turned to walk away, he totally tripped over the curb. I think that was divine intervention on my behalf - getting back at him for being so mean to me the past three sessions. We had a good laugh and then I went and brutalized myself on an elliptical machine. See, what Katie neglected to tell me and what I neglected to understand is that the elliptical goes forwards and backwards. I was going backwards the first five minutes and finally said the machine was really uncomfortable. Once she saw what I was doing she informed me that it is a lot easy going forward. Grrrrrrrreat. It is.

Friday morning, 500am I am back at it ready to roll. As a reward for my good efforts all week Bob really lays into me. I really hate him. I was doing so well, that he decided to get out this half ball thingy and I have to do a sort of push up stance holding the ball. Once I stabilize he makes me push it forward and back. It is major pain in the arms and abs and I can only hold it for 15-20 seconds. I am such a pansy. Today we don't do anything else really new so the rest of the workout is familiar and uneventful. I do try to cheat by not pushing my heels into the ground, but not on purpose. Sometimes I am totally uncoordinated and that irks me to no end. I like to think I am pretty coordinated, but I can't do the stupid rowing exercise very well. Too much multitasking - Squat, stand, pull rope towards me, elbows in, no wrist turning, push down with heels, count, lose count, try to talk to Robert, forget to stand straight with knees bent, start all over. That is WAY too much to think about at once. Oh yeah, I forgot - and Breathe. At any given moment I mess up on any of those factors so Robert stands there and laughs at me for 1) not being about to count to 15, 2) forgetting to breathe, 3) for cheating with my stance, 4) for trying to row as I sit down instead of stand up, or 5) reprimands me for cheating in my stance and body position.

Goal - Work out once this weekend.

March 30, 2009 - Don't Kill Me Today

2009-04-12T09:38:00.000-07:00

So, the first thing I say to Robert today is "Go easy on me, I am going to be on a horse for the next six-eight hours." Incidentally, my OTHER trainer is in town and I want to be able to get on my horse. I lucked out and did not have a lesson on Sunday in the saddle. Robert beat me up so brutally that I could not even get my foot up to the stirrup to get on a horse this past weekend.

Even though he is the boss of me at the gym, I basically told him that he could only abuse my upper body muscles instead of my legs. They would get it later. So, being the occasionally nice guy that he is, he let me be the boss and put together my own workout =D Actually, he tried really hard NOT to let me do that but I was a bit of a panzy whiner and got out of the really heavy stuff by feigning weakness. (Not really, here...he doesn't put up with the weakness and makes me do it anyway.) I might hate him. By the end of the workout my upper arms were feeling rubbery, but my lower body was ready to ride. The workout was uneventful and I finished up not really hating Robert today. And I didn't puke all over, so that was really positive. I like to end on a positive note.

Assignment - complete two cardio workouts between Tuesday and Thursday before we meet again Friday. Quite Doable.

March 27, 2009 - Day 1 - The REAL Deal

2009-04-06T22:08:00.000-07:00

5:00 a.m.

So, I don't quite remember Robert's training "specialty," but he definitely knows how to deal the pain. My first real training session started on time; I was quite chipper and rarin' to go at the butt-crack of dawn - actually it was about an hour before the butt-crack of dawn - but who pays attention to those details at 4:q5 a.m.??? I met Robert for the first time and what a CUTIE - nice body, nice (evil) smile, basically the devil in disguise. My perception of him changed pretty rapidly, so I feel that I can make this observation with NO affection whatsoever. We eased into the session with a little treadmill work. I handled about 2 minutes on the treadmill with brilliant success - YES, I was jogging - but my heart rate went up to fast so he made me speed walk for the next ten minutes. Bonus points for him - I wasn't allowed to exert myself too much. But little did I know he was saving the exertion for other activities.

During the second part of my session Robert taught me a series of exercises that force me to use my own body weight to build muscle. I found out that I do in fact have abs in there somewhere. I am not sure where my gluts are, but my biceps, triceps, and thighs were definitely screaming. He made me do several sets of lunges, squats, planks, and other arm exercise pulls using a weight machine. Throughout the session Robert kept asking me how I was doing and to be honest, I felt great. I nursed a bottled water and told him to bring it on. I was quite impressed with myself!

My first session ended at 5:50 because we had to finish up some paper work. I bought a nifty watch that tracks my heart rate, calorie intake and burnage, and other cool stuff that I have not figured out yet. I had a choice between the black and red, so I immediately went for the black one to spite all of the Nebraska fans and my mother. Ever the concerned trainer, Robert asked me how I was feeling and explained that after our sessions I should get a protein shake to help my muscles do what it is that they do. Because it was my first time in the facility he took me down to the cafe and ordered me my first protein shake beverage. As we were waiting for the drink I looked at him and said "Robert, I think I am going to be sick." I made a mad dash to the garbage can and managed to puke not once, but three times. Can I say mortified??? I guess I overdid it just a bit. I have since learned that I had what is called lactic acid buildup and my body basically violently rejected it. Lucky Robert.

The rest of the day I felt great. I survived my first work out, threw up in front of my hot trainer, experienced very little soreness, and was excited about my next training session. Robert even called to ask how I was doing later in the evening and truth be told, I felt pretty good. I promised that I would not quit and would see him first thing on Monday morning.

I spent the next 48 hours crawling up and down the stairs and falling onto (not into) the toilet. My thighs screamed all day Saturday, my legs were like Jello, and I could not squat to reach the toilet seat. I was in serious pain, although it gave me excellent whining grounds for multiple body massages. I think that was the only good part. I was also pretty much unable to get up on my horse and had to be lifted into the saddle. Pathetic, I know. Why did I sign up for this, again? Oh yeah, because I am F-A-T. Got it. Bring on Monday!

Monday, March 23, 2009 - The Moment of Truth

2009-04-06T22:02:00.000-07:00

5:00 a.m.

This morning was all about learning just how morbidly obese I am. Granted I do not necessarily look like a tank, but the scale and machine thingies don't lie. So, according to all the mechanical and technical gadgetry, my body is carrying 83 pounds of unnecessary baggage - personally I think most of it is in my breasts - you are all friends and family here so I can make these random statements. I am pretty sure it is not all just Grandma Dottie's genes. But I digress - back to the task at hand where I describe how I am in the bottom ten percent of all healthy peoples out there. I was tested in several areas - I can't remember what all now - BUT, I am in the 70th percentile in strength! YEAH!!! Thank you, horses! Basically the numbers mean that for every 100 people in the room I am stronger than 70 of them. Now, for flexibility, cardio, BMI, and all that other stuff, I am in the bottom ten percent. This is all okay, though. It gives me some goals...like the only way I can go at this point is up through the percentile rankings. We will test every 5-6 weeks to see how I am doing.

At the end of the session, Scott, the trainer manager, informs me that they have in fact found some poor soul willing to train me at 5:00 a.m. two times a week. My first session with "Robert" is Friday morning. God bless his heart.